Cheating Thoughts

Ok. Here are my thoughts on the previous post.

First, these people were way too caught up in their internet identities. The contrast between their physical appearance in the pictures and their choices in avatars spoke volumes to me. Unfortunately, they aren't the only people doing this. Many people spend too much time here, while their real life around them suffers. I know whereof I speak. People will say and do things online that they were never do in real life. They will go place online that they would never visit in real life. The internet should enhance our lives, not replace it. If you find your life divided between who you are online and who you are in real life, or that more of your life exists online than off, you are in trouble.

Does this constitute cheating? Yes, I think it does. Consider what cheating is in a relationship. I think it's anything that betrays the relationship, that makes one partner feel devalued, humiliated, or demeaned. Certainly this behavior qualifies.

Personally, I consider this online game behavior to be a form of pornography. Pornography is the depiction of sexual subject matter with the intention to sexually excite the viewer. No doubt this man was sexually excited by his online activities. Pornography is a dangerous, potentially addictive choice and destroys many a marriage.

Is it sin? Yes. Sin is falling short, missing the mark, or aiming at the wrong target. This behavior falls short of the idea God has for marriage. The marriage relationship is a reflection of God's relationship with God in the Trinity. This is why it is considered a sacrament in some churches (not the UMC). Perfect union. Perfect cooperation. Perfect love. The marriage relationship is the place where we should feel the most loved, most accepted, and most safe.

Does it constitute adultery in the biblical/Christian sense? Yes, I think so, if we think Jesus meant what he said. In Matthew 5, he said that one who lusts has already committed adultery. Just a few chapters later, in Matthew 15, Jesus tells us why: For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander, and in Luke 6:45, Jesus says that a person acts in a way that is consistent with his or her heart.

Sin begins long before the action, with the first glimmer of thought, in the entertaining of an idea, in not casting down the stray notion. I have no reason to believe that, give the opportunity, this man would not cheat in real life. In fact, the article indicates this is how the relationship started. The woman was already in an unhappy marriage, and instead of working on it, she's in an internet chat room meeting this man. So he was the other man before he found "the other woman." The old adage 'if he/she will cheat with you, he/she will cheat on you' hold much truth.

Some would say that Jesus was talking about definition of sin, and that this should have be applied to other areas of life. For instance, they would claim that one could not use this to satisfy either Moses' adultery or Paul's abandonment criteria for divorce. However, I see no indication in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ, or in the witness of the Bible as a whole, that God makes these type of distinctions in our lives. Our actions, and the hearts in which they originate, are of equal concern to God. This isn't to make divorce easy. Far from it! Rather, it sets the standard for the relationship high, and challenges us to attend careful toward it.

Does it constitute adultery in the legal sense? No. (Wow, I heard those brakes come screeching to a halt. Sorry to give you whiplash.) Now, this cannot be legal advice because I didn't go to law school; I just thought about it. Adultery is voluntary sexual relations between an individual who is married and someone who is not the individual's spouse. Sexual relations are usually taken to mean intercourse, but regardless how far the physical act must go to constitute adultery, there was no physical contact in this case. Therefore, adultery has not occurred in this sense.

This is a sad situation, in my opinion. Two individuals unhappy with their life, without healthy self-esteem, and perhaps stable mental health started a relationship badly. The nurtured it badly, and it ended badly. The cheating, which most of us agree it is, was only one ingredient in a series of poor choices.