Quitting

Am I the only person who's ever wanted to quit? Just quit. Go to the house. Stop trying. Stop taking responsibility. Give up. Surrender. Sit down and be done.

I confess that's how I'm feeling right now. Sunday, I quoted the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland: "It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!" In my mind echoed Ecclesiastes:

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly
meaningless! Everything is meaningless." What does humankind gain from
all his or her labor under the sun? . . . Yet when I surveyed all
that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything
was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the
sun.

This isn't just being tired. Nor is it impending burnout. Those possibilities have already been examined. This is more than that, something a little deeper--a questioning of purpose and personality. Despite my desire to hide it, I have a competitive and controlling personality. Oh, how very carefully I must examine myself to be sure that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and not trying to out-do someone else! Now THAT is a painful, ego-impacting thing to admit.

Ecclesiastes also says: "I know that there is nothing better for humans than to be happy and do good while they live. . . and find satisfaction in all his or her toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever." Hmmm. That has my mind has been contemplating questions like:

• Am I on the right path?
• Does God call you to something that will destroy your health, your marriage, your family and your sense of well-being?
• Can you be on the right path, but at the wrong pace?
• Can you be on the right path for the wrong reason? And if so, does it matter?

It would be delightful if I could say that this was an issue with which I struggled--as in past tense--and now, having discovered all the wisdom, I can share. However, I'm still working through it. I know some of the answers . . . as do you, I'm sure. But how does live this out in our lives?

Not trying to depress you on a beautiful fall Wednesday morning, but I did resolve two posts ago, to share from my heart. This is where I am on the journey. Where are you?