Happy Mother's Day

I got the PERFECT card [from American Greetings] from my guys this year. Sometimes, as the lone female human in the family, I feel drastically outmaneuvered by the testosterone in the house. This card nailed the feeling.

In case you can't read the picture, here's what it says.

Top 10 Ways a Son Can Say "I Love You, Mom"

10. Take all the junk out of your pockets (especially reptiles or frogs) before Mom does the laundry.

9. Pretend not to be embarrassed to be seen with her in public.

8. Aim when you pee and remember to put the toilet seat down.

7. Wear those nice slacks she bought even if they DO make you look like a dork-wad.

6. Don't take up a life of crime . . . unless it's politics.

5. A belch is not enough -- COMPLIMENT her cooking.

4. Don't laugh when she gives you advice about girls -- you know, that "Believe-it-or-not-I-was-once-a-girl-myself" speech.

3. No eating, wrestling, playing football, or lighting farts in the living room.

2. Choose a nice career like medicine or law, not hustling pool or being a gigolo.

1. Remember to give her a card on Mother's Day.

Awww. What can I say . . . I love my boys! Everyone signed it, even the dogs.

Being a mother is most intimidating responsibility, greatest challenge and most incredible reward of my life.